A famous operative like myself . . .

The Perfect Retirement Housing Complex

Inner Hamlet

CORSETTSHIRE  QY4 2PN

 My Dear Ralph

Upon my return this morning, Pom-Pom announced that he is about to commence upon his own memoirs.  'But sweetie,' I remonstrated, 'How will you sell it?'  It is not as if you were a famous operative like myself.'  However, it seemed wisest to desist from further repartee as Pom-Pom was hovering about the computer plug-in-point with his eye on the socket.  He also mentioned requiring the services of a typist, as he will be dictating his memoirs into a micro-cassette recorder.  I don't know pet.  I am not sure I can type two sets of memoirs; I am feeling a certain amount of strain doing one.  However, I did mention you pet!  I said that I knew for a fact that you were loitering about your settee with nothing much to do and might be eager to accept the commission.  You haven't taken up glue-sniffing or anything like that, have you dear?  You have gone very quiet again and I fear it is either that - or you are concerned that your own activities might feature in my memoirs?  You can tell me anything dear; you know that, don't you?

I have, this afternoon, consulted details of several wig retailers on the World Wide Web, but I am not at all sure I would suit the Pixie crew cut in honey blonde?  Give me your honest opinion dear and, if you can, send over some funds as said wigs are up to £400.  I am not sure if even  William from Raptor-on-the-Lake is worth such an outlay.  I will have to hope that my hair will have lengthened by a fraction of a centimeter by the time we meet up, or else tell him I had it all removed as part of a local sponsorship event!

Oh dear.  Pom-Pom has just spent the past several hours making detailed notes about his parentage on a large pad of paper.  I didn't know that there was such a place as the Salvation Army Birth Hostel in Bright Litton in the 1900's.  Did you dear?  Pom-Pom originally hails from your neck of the woods; in fact he has murmured one or two sentences about coming to stay with you for the forseeable future to do his researches.  He would bring his own stairlift and I think he commode could be neatly parked all day in your front room.  Is Saturday at 9am convenient?

Yours

Aunt Agatha