Saturday, 13 October 2012

Broomstick method . . .

10 Forsythia Grove
Outer Hamlet
My Dear Constance
It was so nice to see you the other weekend!  I had almost forgotten I had a half-sister hailing from the bowels of darkest Africa.  I am so sorry that the state of your hip joints has called for a return to more temperate climes!  However, it does sound as if you have struck upon a solution in the form of castor oil and a new motor scooter.
Things continue to be interesting over at Colonel Mustang's premises.  Patrick (one of the gardeners) has taught me how to drive the tractor and I am now motoring about the plantation, endeavouring not to catch the trailer on any of the trees!  Speaking of trees, one or two of these have caught my attention recently and I have embarked upon a spree of general visual inspection - through binoculars - and report writing.  One project concerns the dead Ash currently positioned at the end of the lake and which, should it fall, could slaughter one or two residents motoring past or even decimate the ancient ramparts which, as I may have mentioned, date from the 16th century.  So I decided to measure said tree in the end - using the well-known 'broomstick' method supplemented with a clinometer angle check!  I was most fortunate dear, in that the two measurements actually tallied up at roughly 20.6m.  This is most definitely tall enough to crush any Mustang loitering in the vicinity.
Sebastian did actually phone up the day after your departure on the bus.  I got the impression that he was feeling somewhat forlorn about one or two health issues and that he thought I might be a suitable person to discuss these with (either that or he knew that I was the only one likely to be alone and doing nothing thrilling at the weekend).  Anyway, he asked if it was possible to motor off to Superior Fare for some provisions and so off we went.  He was actually so pleasant that I felt like asking him if he was running a temperature!  I do believe we actually managed to have a mutually warm and human encounter and this has only happened on one or two occasions since we became acquainted - nearly six years ago.
I do know exactly what you mean about 'live performance' by the way.  God only knows I am equally terrified at the thought of introducing one of our live evening comedy monologues from up on the stage!  But we are getting on a bit now dear and must push a little against all these terrors because we don't know how many - or how few - years we have left.  The sands of time and so on and so forth.  So my advice is to give it a go; things may go better than you think!  Equally, I am pleased that you have got out the paintbrushes and waterproof sheeting because it is important to have a measure of creativity in one's life.  And I would certainly like one of your oil paintings in time for next Christmas!
Fondest love
Your sister in adversity

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