Saturday, 3 November 2012

Whiskers and jowliness . . .

10 Forsythia Grove
Outer Hamlet
My Dear Ralph
I am feeling rather forlorn here all alone pet - for what feels like my millionth evening!  I can certainly understand why people experience difficulty locating a companion when their years advance and there is an increased tendency to corpulence, general whiskers and jowliness abounding upon the facial features.  Not you dear.  Me.  You are still brim full of youth's Spring sap!  I have just resorted to a trip to Economy Fare in order to get a sighting of one or two members of the human race (not to mention a box of fresh cream chocolate eclairs)!  I was, at least, hailed by Pamela, my friend from the cultural society, who was entering just as I was leaving.  I naturally enquired how her recent romantic liaison was proceeding - although I did conjecture that things were still going rather well from my sighting of an abundance of shiny nail varnish, magenta in hue, adorning all ten of her fingernails.  She also had a slight limp.  Of course, blisters do result from unaccustomed totterings about in high heels but, there again, it could be due to activities of a rather more exciting nature!  Anyway, I feel most disgruntled about everything and could even welcome an outing with Dorian  (now returned from his sojourn in Japan) for a bout of nipple nuzzling.  I know I have been rather scathing about this in the past dear, but at least it is a sign of some slight interest in my own person!
I have also braced myself to make another visit to Pom-Pom in No Return District General Hospital.  As you will recall pet - if you have been paying attention - poor Pom-Pom was skiing down the proverbial 'slippery slope' when I last attended this establishment.  However, on this occasion, he was thankfully more alive than dead.  His voice was louder, stronger, and clearer and, on this occasion, he did acknowledge that he'd rather live than die.  Sometimes the frail and depressed elderly person just needs help to eat and - in particular - drink!  I realize that these situations are complex and that nobody lives forever.  And I know that, sometimes, the human costs of 'treatment' can outweigh the benefits, but some old people are so mentally tough that they can rally with a bit of help.  Anyway, he was able to drink unaided and didn't require a beaker, equipped with straw, to complete this manoeuvre.  He also showed some interest in choosing food from the next day's menu.  Things are looking up! 
Well dear.  I am planning to take the Banger 0.9L for an outing to charge the battery tomorrow.  And am also off for a  Scotch Egg evening in one of the local public houses.  I have persuaded my friend Candice to attend this with me as one can feel like somewhat conspicuous showing up alone!
Aunt Agatha

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