It is not customary to drive the stake vertically . . .

Perfect Retirement Housing Complex

Inner Hamlet

CORSETTSHIRE QY4 2PN

My Dear Ralph

I think I may have upset my chum Marilyn this morning pet.  We were strolling about the grounds of her house and she happened to show me several of her newly-planted fruit trees.  As you know dear, it is rather difficult to hold off from airing any new knowledge that one might have acquired, and I pointed out that having tree stakes which are nearly the height of the entire tree is not quite up-to-the-minute in terms of professional know-how.  Marilyn glared at me frostily at this point and launched into a disquisition on the force 10 gales which regularly assail her property.  I held my ground pet and rejoindered that - at Kew - it is rare that a stake height will exceed 60cm!  I further remarked that it is not usually customary to drive the stake vertically through the rootball of a container tree - and there I fear our friendship may have terminated.

The day did not much improve with a visit to the hairdressers.  The young man was rather brutal on the subject of my 'excessive and much-repeated' applications of bleach over the years.  He said that, if I didn't have it all shaved off that very day, he could not answer for the consequences.  Pet!  I fear the configuration of my head may now resemble that of a Buddhist monk.  I barely recognize myself without my French pleat and I don't think anyone else will either.  Whatever will William from Raptor-on-the-Lake think when sees me next?

Well 'Dah svee dah nee yah' dear.  I think that's (almost) right.  I am presently focusing on keeping my language skills - vestigial as they might be - up-to-date, as you never know when I might be called back into the field.  (Funds are in short supply as you know!)
Yours
Aunt Agatha