Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Death-related hardware . . .

Perfect Retirement Housing Complex
Inner Hamlet

My Dear Ralph
Valpolicella hangover has struck pet.  And also I fear I engaged in one of those 'Giant British Quizzes' in the early hours of this morning.  They had displayed an overlapping pile of UK bank notes and you had to calculate the amount of money, in sterling, that was there.  There was a slight snag in that you had to time your call to coincide with the barking of a dog - pictured mostly yawning in its basket in the bottom left hand corner of the screen - in addition to paying 75p for the call, but this was outweighed by the delightful  sight of money piled up on the screen and the tempting prospect of winning £25,000!  At last a chance to win back my inheritance!  Fortunately, I only succumbed to phoning once and wasn't put through, but it was amazing how many types were phoning up with a completely ridiculous answer!  I did wonder, dear, what exactly they were all seeing displayed on their own TV sets, to give an answer so wildly related to the funds on view.
This morning, given the sight of a most delightful slice of blue sky, I thought I catch a bus to Outer Hamlet and then take a little stroll along the canal.  I normally orientate myself in relation to a large Lime tree just left of the path, and did initially wonder if I was suffering from an alcohol-induced delusion when it didn't seem to be there.  However, somebody has obviously been along and chopped it down.  I can say this with some confidence as I eventually located a 4m high stump and branch debris scattered in a 10m radius around said tree.  Naturally, as I am presently engaged on a Tree course, I ambled up to sniff the timber (diffuse porous I think pet) and to ascertain the presence, or not, of any wood-decaying fungi.  But, on the face of it, the tree seemed to be in very good health!
I have also been down to Economy Fare to post one of Pom-Pom's parcels.  I don't know if I have been watching too many TV programmes of an untoward nature, but it did seem to be that I had inadvertently parked the Banger 0.9L next to a car containing a number of assassins from the Chinese mafia.  They seemed to be lying in wait for someone dear, although I noticed that death-related hardware was not in view.  You can never tell, nowadays, when someone is going to offer you a fish stuffed full of Radium can you?  And with all my years as an operative, I still wonder if I am on anyone's hit list!
Aunt Agatha

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