Perfect Retirement Housing Complex
CORSETTSHIRE QY4 2PN
My Dear Ralph
What a game it is with my new computer pet! God only knows how the average person is supposed to cope with the zillions of possibilities overwhelming one on the screen. I feel positively enervated by my experience of writing less than five lines now! And I hardly dare touch the keyboard for fear of what will go wrong next.
Another notice appeared in the lift here at Perfect this week. This time, reference was made to persons unknown who have been tipping large household items into the refuse hoppers for collection: hoovers, TV sets and such-like. It is possible that I may have discarded my old computer monitor in there recently, but I scuttled along after dark and I don't think anyone saw me! And my personal view is that - if we had more facilities for recycling items such as textiles, cans and plastic - the hoppers would not be bulging at the time of our once weekly collection. There is an inmate consultation meeting next week, but I must admit to feeling a certain amount of strain at the thought of mentioning this issue to Our Leader prior to the event. In fact, I think I will luckily be off the premises, doing something else, on that particular day! Do you know dear, I think I may need to buy some sunglasses to cope with the glare coming off this screen.
A more interesting notice, featuring recently on the notice board, made mention of some scamster or other who has been demonstrating 'vibrating electrical devices' to inmates immured in sheltered housing schemes. This sounds most exciting pet; I can't think where I was the day he came here! Of course, I myself am engaged in equally enthralling dalliances out at the 'Black Boot' whenever the opportunity arises.
I think I am going to have to sign off here, as I am starting to feel like I am sitting at the controls of a computerized supersonic jet, with the pilot dead at my feet, and needing to land safely on the runway, at night, and in the fog!
P.S. Having now consumed one or two glasses of Valpolicella, things are looking more rosy in every sense of the word. Pom-Pom is snoring on his black leather seat and so I have been able to avail myself of the World Wide Web, with the aim of communicating with a similarly retired operative. No-one has so far replied, but I live in hope pet! At this time, I can hear the dulcet tones of Sticky Beak fluting from the exterior and I may just sneak up to the eye hole in the front door to see if I can uncover further snippets from the arena.