Perfect Retirement Housing Complex
CORSETTSHIRE QY4 2PN
My Dear Ralph
I had an exciting day yesterday pet! Sebastian Seale MP summoned me to over and mount guard over his collection of modern sculptures - in addition to walking his hounds around the estate - and so I motored over the drawbridge promptly at 12md in the Banger 0.9L. Sebastian was, as usual, most thorough in his instructions regarding this and that burglar alarm and what to do in the event of a truck load of burglar arriving to batter down the front door -and I duly made note of several door codes and phone numbers to call in the event of such emergency. Sebastian himself was rather nattily decked out in a navy blu, pin-striped, suit preparatory to attendance at this auntie's wedding anniversary over at Mouldering Mansion, albeit moaning at length at having to go at all. Eventually, however, I waved him off and heard the heavy oaken door thump behind him. Mopping some slight perspiration from my brow, I nipped into the kitchen for a soothing cup of Earl Grey tea and extricated my heavily-folded pieces of early music from my bag, preparatory to having a go on Sebastian's rosewood Viola. (I don't know why he makes such a fuss about my using this and wants me to sit in a freezing, distant, outhouse watching the TV all afternoon). A lady of refinement such as myself needs a bit of fun, and in the absence of that, at least the opportunity to partake of a degree of culture! Perhaps he thinks I might leave traces of cakey fngerprints on the grain? Anyway, having thrown one or two packets of Choc 'n Nut biscuits into the mouths of Gelert and Tugger, off I set towards the instrument to play (or try to) one or two elementary pieces by famous classical composers. You know dear, it is disconcerting when dogs will persist in dribbling all over one's shoes - and scraping their horny claws upon one's clothing - when one is trying to apply oneself to artistic endeavours of one kind or another. And I am not altogether sure that I hit quite the right notes during my rendition of these pieces (fingers only lightly brushing the strings just in case anyone should be in the vicinity of the windows)! It was during this scrum with the dogs and the Viola bow that the telephone rang. I did wonder whether or not to answer it but, in the end, decided to do so in case it was Sebastian with some further instruction or even - horror - on his way back in the event of having decided not to go at all. So I picked up the phone and and announced in my most suitable telephone voice, 'Steamy Towers, Agatha speaking' and found myself speaking to Alfie the caretaker. 'Has he gorn yet? enquired Alfie in a conspiratorial whisper. 'Well I don't know dear,' I replied. 'He has most certainly closed the front door behind him!' The upshot of all this was that Alfie wanted to invite me out on a trip to the local bowling alley. Well I couldn't think of any reasonable objection to this idea, and we have agreed to meet there at 8pm next Wednesday. However, I am not altogether sure I am doing the right thing in this matter. What do you advise pet?
Anyway, the afternoon wore on . . .
TO BE CONTINUED