The Perfect Retirement Housing Complex
CORSETTSHIRE QY4 2PN
My Dear Ralph
Upon my return this morning, Pom-Pom announced that he is about to commence upon his own memoirs. 'But sweetie,' I remonstrated, 'How will you sell it?' It is not as if you were a famous operative like myself.' However, it seemed wisest to desist from further repartee as Pom-Pom was hovering about the computer plug-in-point with his eye on the socket. He also mentioned requiring the services of a typist, as he will be dictating his memoirs into a micro-cassette recorder. I don't know pet. I am not sure I can type two sets of memoirs; I am feeling a certain amount of strain doing one. However, I did mention you pet! I said that I knew for a fact that you were loitering about your settee with nothing much to do and might be eager to accept the commission. You haven't taken up glue-sniffing or anything like that, have you dear? You have gone very quiet again and I fear it is either that - or you are concerned that your own activities might feature in my memoirs? You can tell me anything dear; you know that, don't you?
I have, this afternoon, consulted details of several wig retailers on the World Wide Web, but I am not at all sure I would suit the Pixie crew cut in honey blonde? Give me your honest opinion dear and, if you can, send over some funds as said wigs are up to £400. I am not sure if even William from Raptor-on-the-Lake is worth such an outlay. I will have to hope that my hair will have lengthened by a fraction of a centimeter by the time we meet up, or else tell him I had it all removed as part of a local sponsorship event!
Oh dear. Pom-Pom has just spent the past several hours making detailed notes about his parentage on a large pad of paper. I didn't know that there was such a place as the Salvation Army Birth Hostel in Bright Litton in the 1900's. Did you dear? Pom-Pom originally hails from your neck of the woods; in fact he has murmured one or two sentences about coming to stay with you for the forseeable future to do his researches. He would bring his own stairlift and I think he commode could be neatly parked all day in your front room. Is Saturday at 9am convenient?