Saturday, 9 June 2012

Telescopic surveillance of the neighbourhood . . .

Perfect Retirement Housing Complex
Inner Hamlet

My Dear Ralph
I have unfortunately been trapped here at the Perfect Retirement Housing Complex for a whole week now, owing to the onset of Gout of the Big Toe.  My General Practitioner - who despite importunings down the telephone - declined to materialize in person (fear of being pounced on by Our Leader bearing an additional list of the afflicted no doubt) actually had the temerity to intimate that I might be imbibing excess quantities of London's finest!  And who wouldn't pet, immured behind concrete walls, and lacking the space to carry out even a minor project such as telescopic surveillance of the neighbourhood!
I did, however, call round to see Mr and Mrs Brownie where I lapped up further snippets from the arena.  One update related to the status of our new member of staff.  Said individual - a nice enough girl as far as I can see - apparently hoves from the local streets and has life-long experience of hoovering!  I duly enquired as to whether the new employee would be Checked Out (given that she will be using the pass key to all our rooms) and, yes, this is in the throes of occurring.  I also asked what form her Induction Training would be taking.  Apparently this will be taking place 'on the job.'  Pom-Pom and I are not too happy with this pet - given the level of responsibility in dealing with the needs of vulnerable people - and the fact that new members of staff can fall all too easily into an established culture and any associated flaws.  For example, it is only too easy for members of staff to join in with the lounge gossip and generally air their views on absent inmates.  More and more dear, I do think that establishments such as Perfect should be employing trained professional staff with a nationally accredited qualification.  Our well-being is in their hands!
I hope your meal out with Miranda went well?  If you did decide to take your toothbrush, I hope it was in good repair?  First impressions are so important and splayed bristles and general pieces of gristle caught in the fibres, will not be well received!  Also, dear, you will remember to keep yourself safe from the dread diseases, won't you?  I was reading an article about Genital Warts the other day, and I must say that this does not sound like one of the most aesthetic of afflictions!
Aunt Agatha

No comments:

Post a Comment