Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Radio-tagging of residents imminent . . .

Perfect Retirement Housing Complex
Inner Hamlet

My Dear Ralph
I am not certain I can have got this right pet, but I do believe I observed a notice on the notice board yesterday, which read: 'RADIO-TAGGING OF RESIDENTS IMMINENT' and a shorter questionnaire, beneath, in which one was asked to state a preference for a wrist or ankle 'bracelet.'  I think we may be on the slippery slope dear!  Of course, the Management can get away with practically anything, owing to the elevated position of the notice board and the frequent recourse to very small print.  Many in here don't really seem to see the notice board at all, owing, I think, to being under the near-constant influence of alcohol.  (I believe I can say this with some certainty pet, because the industrial-sized recycling tub kep in the bin point is filled, almost daily, with empty spirits bottles.)  And so I can only think that there may be an element of truth in the notice concerning the radio-tagging of us all!  Intentionally - or unintentionally - a minority of individuals do keep wandering off and poor Dorothy is rumoured to have reached the outskirts of Winchbury-on-the-Hill on her mobility scooter the other week, in a failed bid to escape the premises, if only for the day!  Unfortunately dear, as you know, I do like to venture into the exterior myself - Winceyette nightie parcelled up very small in my handbag - and it will add a level of difficulty to any planned expedition, should my movements be followed by some kind of bleeping dot on the office monitoring equipment!  Perhaps dear Hilary will be able to fix me up with an alternative bracelet - emitting a stronger signal - which I will be able to keep in the china teapot in my room.  Do you think this could be possible pet?  I certainly hope no-one in authority has ever seen that TV programme called 'The Prisoner,' in which escaping inmates from some premises or other were pursued by large white bouncing balls!  It was shown in the 1960's dear and featured that well-known star of the time, Patrick McGoohan.
Today I succeeded in visiting Carpool, subsequent to an invitation by your uncle, Caspar, to visit the industrial museum there.  This is not a destination I myself would have choses dear, but I have been worried for some time about Caspar's consumption of sedative medication.  He routinely reports a milligram intake which I feel would anaesthetize an average-size rhinoceros and so I thought I'd better see him for myself!  Well he did look rather peaky, underneath his docker's cloth cap, worn especially I gather, with our particular destination in mind - and the whites of his eyes appeared distinctly pink.  But I can be diplomatic, as you know pet, and I mentioned none of this as we traipsed around transport exhibits dating from the previous century.  We did see a Carpool 403 type of car which had, apparently, been built using the Legoland style of construction, in 1954, and I was particularly interested in the fact that it altogether lacked door handles - an element of design which made it practically thief-proof at that time.  I certainly wondered how it would have fared in the car park here at Perfect!  I also took advantage of the museum's offer of a trip up a working dock crane and the ascent to the working platform - in an electric platform lift - was most elevating!  It was quite fascinating watching the gentleman operate the controls and lift a very large crate off of the dock at the end of the jib chain.  A number of individuals in our party took advantage of the opportunity to ascend - in a net - to the tip of the jib, in order to grease the jib bearings!  Men do relish this type of activity, I know, but the idea of dipping one's hand into a pot of grease at a height of 30m is unlikely to appeal to a lady wearing plum nail extensions and a rather short skirt!
I hope you are well pet and not getting up to mischief of any kind?  Sometimes I wonder if sundry unfortunate proclivities are running amok amongst the family!
Aunt Agatha

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