Friday, 11 May 2012

Sometimes one's compatriots are not quite all there!

Perfect Retirement Housing Complex
Inner Hamlet

My Dear Ralph

Pom-Pom and I have just pootled off to Economy Fare for the week's cache of edible goods.  We have had to go earlier than planned owing to tomorrow's booking, by Our Leader, of the Fan Man who will be attending all 56 flats to check the bathroom fans.  Personally, I have always found this item rather a bother, blowing - as it does - large quantities of dust into the interior of the building from the outside.  I am also not keen on its decibel output, as it makes it a trifle difficult to attend to one's TV programmes whilst simultaneously on the pot.  However, we have not yet had this year's check of the emergency cords which, in our case, are tied up neatly out of reach, on sundry walls . . . What a pest having to untether them in time for the inspection!
Chumley and Meribel (our pussies) have enjoyed this week's treat of king prawns from Economy Fare, and Pom-Pom and I are about to get stuck into the gin and nuts procured from the same outlet.  Indeed, pet, we might have had one or two nips earlier, so we must count our blessings for our safe return and for not having got wrapped round a bollard whilst on the outskirts of Outer Hamlet.
Meanwhile, I have had a visitation from my new chum, Guthrie, who hails from Salty-on-the-Sea, some 70 miles distant.  Delightful - for the most part - though this encounter was, I am still somewhat stung by pronouncements made on the subject of the cleanliness (or not) of my kitchen bowl, kitchen sink, plastic drainer, and the plastic pot in which nestles sundry cleaning cloths and scourers.  I am aware, pet, that these items were somewhat on the grungy side, but retired operatives - not to mention 'authors' - do tend to have activities which take priority over more mundane pursuits.  Given a choice between clean and boring or dirty and interesting, I certainly know which I myself prefer - and it is not the former!
I am pleased to hear your leafletting expedition went well, but am slightly perturbed to hear about your rather bizarre companions.  It is all very well, dear, being involved in politically correct activities, but sometimes one's compatriots are not quite all there.  Remember all my years as an operative, pet; I know whereof I speak!
Aunt Agatha

P.S.  You haven't been leaving any of my despatches lying around have you pet?  When I typed my professional code into my PC, I noticed that the tract of land associated with my own activities was rather large - indeed had turned DARK green - and was blossoming across the territories occupied by the former USSR!  This did cause me to wonder if my rather eclectic musings may have brought themselves - via the MI6 tag - the attention of the FSB (Moscow) and GCHQ (Cheltenham, UK)?  I do hope that said individuals - secreted behind the curtain so-to-speak - realize that my memoirs are based on my own, personal, experiences and that I have rarely, ever, ventured beyond Inner Hamlet, never mind London or further East!  Remember now dear.  My eccentricities are for your delectation only! 

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