Friday, 18 May 2012

Chumley is piling on the biscuits

Perfect Retirement Housing Complex
Inner Hamlet

My Dear Ralph
Many thanks for your last missive, pet, which mentions the infection-control applications of a Tesco carrier bag.  I must say that I never knew that these items could make an effective dental dam!  Pom-Pom has been sniggering mightily at the graphic nature of your descriptions on this point.
Docker is a female acquaintance of some refinement from the first floor, dear.  I was merely referring to the power of her vocal cords!  Yes.  The days when I could attract men with the muscular equipment of a veritable Popeye certainly reverberate in the memory banks.  I must admit, pet, to a recent yen for similar such experiences before it is too late.  The 'males' here at the Perfect Retirement Housing Complex hardly fit the bill.  Please keep this strictly 'hush hush' but I have recently embarked upon a covert correspondence with William from Raptor-on-the-Lake.  He seems to have a positive penchant for speculation with stocks and shares and perhaps I will recover my lost fortune!  I must say, dear, that I am rather less enthusiastic about taking up hang-gliding at my age but: never say die.  I am a former operative after all!  Chumley may also benefit from some outdoor activities as he seems to be piling on the biscuits.  William has also mentioned his elderly Siamese cat, Bonsai, who was emitting a clearly audible screech down the telephone cable, and I am sure the two animals will soon be firm friends.  For God's sake pet, mention none of this to Pom-Pom!
I do faintly recall stuffing your father into a crate and despatching him to Brazil.  Now why did we do that pet?  It is some years ago and I can't remember if we drilled any air holes into the container!  Did he make it, alive that is?
Aunt Agatha

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