Smithereens were all over the forecourt pet . . .

Perfect Retirement Housing Complex

Inner Hamlet

CORSETTSHIRE QY4 2PN

Ralph dear . . .

Calamity has overtaken me today at the Perfect Retirement Housing Complex.  I sallied forth from the the building this morning at 9am, only to discover that some bounder had smashed in one of my car rear windows!  Smithereens were all over the forecourt pet!  it seems that the glass was broken in with a brick, or some such heavy object, and the driver's door opened.  Luckily, dear, I have been using my brand new key fob to set the door alarms and it appears that said alarms went off when the door was opened.  I believe I did stand there gaping for one or two moments pet, but - mustering my best derring-do - I finally inserted my delectable self into the car to see whether the radio had been snatched as well.  What a relief dear!  It was still there.  Of course, I had to cancel my morning appointments and then spend the next 3 hours on the phone to the police, the insurance company, and Kwik-Glass.  Kwik-Glass proved unable to respond to my importunings for a mobile call-out unit to be despatched today.  They are coming tomorrow!   What on earth am I supposed to do with a gaping hole in the window, all night here at Perfect, with the security lights in the car park not working?  I know I have had my moments, in the past pet, bemoaning  the light glinting off telescopes in sundry sitting rooms on one's way in and out of the the building - but it really is too bad of so many inmates overlooking the car park, to be on holiday, in hospital, or deceased at the same time!  Anyway, it was then that I remembered Sebastian Seale MP.  You remember Sebastian dear?  He hails from Gothick Towers over in Outer Hamlet.  So I phoned him up (he actually sounded quite pleased to hear from me) and asked whether he might kindly let me park the Banger 0.9L in his driveway all night.  And he said 'yes', suggesting a position outside the side door and opposite his giant planting of some hundreds of metres of Cherry Laurel.  I then patched up the window with one or two metres of bubble wrap and drove right over.  I think I might have seen Sebastian walking the dogs near the shrubbery, but he was wearing a large floppy hat and seemed intent on returning to the West Wing with some degree of inconspicuousness.  I hope he wasn't avoiding me pet?
Back at Perfect, Mrs Brownie did inform me that Our Leader sustained a smaller misfortune recently, in the form of a breeze block placed upon the bonnet of his car.  What we need here at Perfect is a bazooka!!
Yours 
Aunt Agatha