Perfect Retirement Housing Complex
CORSETTSHIRE QY4 2PN
My Dear Ralph
I hope I find you refreshed from your week in Odessa? Hopefully you will inspire me with tales of your Secret Service!
Life staggers on here in the Perfect Retirement Housing Complex. The other day, I just happened to notice - while turning every page in the procedures ring binder (kept in the lounge) that Perfect has no procedure whatsoever, for what to do in the event of petty thefts from the communal areas. Obviously no theft of any description occurs in Perfect establishments! We are in the hands of the Staff, whose premier instincts seem to lean towards furtive speculation and subsequent inaction. The police are never summoned. In my previous epistle, I seem to recall mentioning the 'Thieves' poster which had been displayed on the lift doors on our floor. It turned out that, because it had been printed out from a PC, Our Deputy had surmised that it must have been produced by by one of the computer-owning inmates on our floor. So that would narrow it down to Yours Truly, Pom-Pom, and Boyo. I somewhat tersely pointed out that it was an old poster which had been produced by Our Leader (currently elsewhere on his hols). At this point, Mrs Brownie hot-footed it down to the office to inform Our Deputy that their surmises up to this juncture had been erroneous and ill-judged. She came back and said that she'd been concerned that a rumour might have been spreading across the inmates in the lounge that Someone with a Computer had been responsible! Some people are certainly more than happy always to think the worst of you, aren't they pet?
Meanwhile, Cat Woman has tried to return to my good graces with an offer of two cooking apples for stewing. 'What!' I said, 'Not after requiring donations for the two tins of salmon!'
Well, must rush off to the bus stop pet. More later!